Almost a year

Its been almost a year since daniel and i seperated. 
This has been a crazy year but as each month has gone by its gotten progressively better. 
Now i can say i am happy with myself and where i am.
Here is a lil timeline of the year thus far
Jan-Horrible...No sleep, cant eat, stressed to the max!
Feb 22-Start working at Childcare Network! Whooo finally have a job
March 22-File for divorce
April 7th-my niece was born. The best day ever. She is the most perfect thing ive ever seen and i cant imagine life with out her.
April 22-Divorce is finalized. Im officially a single women!!
April 23-24-Get drunk celebrate singleness!
April 25-Try to recover from celebrating singleness
May 7th-Move out with Victoria! Finally moving out of my parents!
Summer-Goin out, drinking, boys, lay out by the pool,stay up late,lots of fun!
July-Decide to help open Bubbling Babies Early Childhood Learning Center
July 8th- Meet with owner of the building
July 9th-Get the keys!
July 22-Bank gets hacked....close to $500 stolen. NOT happy
August 20-22-Victoria Birthday Weekend Extravaganza!!!!
Sep 11th- Beach Trip with Rachel! SUPER BURNT! but great tan later!
October-2 kids B-day parties, Halloween at Oscars, Trick or Treating with the kids, Party at the Villarreals
October 31 last day at Childcare Network
Nov 1st- Finally Start opening at Bubbling Babies!
Nov 20-No longer single :)
December-One great day after another 


Im so happy some days i could bust. Goin through all that crap was worth it to get where i am now. I love my job, where i live, my family and friends, and myself :)

lonely

im so tired of being lonely.
I was lonely all deployment and im still lonely.
I miss having someone there for me
Im not ready for someone new
I wish school or work was actually goin on to keep me busy but even the few days ive worked lately i wish i had someone to go home and tell about my day or to give me a back massage cause im sore and tired frm lifting kids all day.

I cant wait to be completely moved on. I dont want to be so bitter and angry anymore. I dont want to be soo distrusting and paranoid. I worked hard over the years to build my confidence and now its like am i enough? will the next guy get tired of me and find some other girl to replace me? I hate feeling like im not enough.

I wish the following would happen...
daniel would sign the papers
daniel would leave me alone
I get the job at the sleep clinic and be trained as a sleep tech
maybe meet a nice guy and go on dates
buy myself a house
get a yorkie mix

Recipes i want to try soon!

Pretzels

Chocolate Turtle Cheesecake

I have more i just cant find where i put them

assumptions

i hate assumptions!

I hate that when a you hear about a military relationship breaking up during a deployment alot of ppl assume the person left behind cheated or didnt make it work.

and today it was just slapped in my face again and i want to scream out MY HUSBAND IS A CHEATING WHORE!!!

Today was not a good day as much as i dont want to hate daniel it pisses me off to no end what he has done to me. If you are goin to cheat dont come home and have sex with your wife who has been faithful to you!!!!

cant help it

Im an intense worrier/stresser. it cant be helped ive tried

more to come later i thought i wanted to type out my frustrations but ive changed my mind

ice skating, mexican food, and the straight 5th wheel

So last nite i went to Montgomery with one of bestest guy friends to meet his boyfriend and another couple. We went ice skating which they all seemed to do with out much problem but i barely left the wall and little kids were skating circles around me lol but im glad to say at least i tried it. We then went to eat at a mexican restaurant and the food was reallly good! and then we left the other couple and went and saw Youth in Revolt. The was pretty good not amazing but a cute lil comedy. Overall it was a good nite and im glad i didn't skip out and stay home with the family like i do every night.

As happy as i am for my friend seeing him and other cute couples kinda makes me sad. I use to be a cute couple but now idk i just feel lonely like im missing my other half. And i know i shouldn't miss him cause of allll the things hes done but at 22 a 3 year relationship feels like forever and now its nothing. I really don't want to be in another relationship anytime soon cause i know i would break it apart with my current trust issues and i know i need to be happy with myself before i can be happy with anyone else but in this moment it doesn't help the loneliness. I know this feeling wont last forever but its just bleh right now

Blog #2 in one day

I love my family to death i reallly do. And im sure some problems are cause we have a ton of ppl and dogs in a little house but lately there is sooo much tension it makes me want to run away and never come back. But i have no where else to go and i think that also makes it worse. Before i could just go back to my own home but im homeless in a way. And soon we will have a baby here and ill hopefully be in school and working so i know ill be stressed more than i am now.

I wonder what makes some ppl not stress about anything and other stress about everything.

Im one of those ppl who stresses about everything but to make it worse i keep it all in to bother others with my crazy stressing so it just slowly eats away at my insides

i have no where to escape now

I know things will get better but right now things are to see that point

Me

So at this point in my life i have a lot going on.

The past year has probably been the hardest year I've ever gone through.

With a deployment, moving 3 times, working, losing my job, and now divorce its has been a whirlwind of emotions. The whole year hasn't been bad. I got to be with my family again after not seeing them for a lil over a year, i found out I'm gonna be an aunt to a baby girl, and i think I'm stronger now than i have ever been. I have new goals and more determination than I've had in a really long time.

This are still a bit hectic as I've had to move back home along with my other siblings and their dogs. So we now have 6 ppl with a baby on the way and 6 dogs who don't always get along. But we love each other and are trying to make it work the best we can.

I'm hoping to go to nursing school and support myself for once.

That is my new long term goal to not have to depend on anyone but myself.